


Levamentum

by mulderbaby



Series: Fictober 2020 [21]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dana Scully Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fox Mulder Angst, Hurt Dana Scully, Hurt Fox Mulder, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Dana Scully
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27337201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mulderbaby/pseuds/mulderbaby
Summary: Fictober Day 29Prompt: “Just say it”continuation of "Ludus" but you can read either alone!
Relationships: Diana Fowley/Fox Mulder, Fox Mulder & Dana Scully, Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Series: Fictober 2020 [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1980989
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Levamentum

It’d been two weeks now. Two weeks since she had lashed out at him, let him know exactly how she felt about the whole Diana situation, and the way he had treated her. Fourteen days of uncomfortable conversation at work, doing her absolute best to maintain her composure around him. In these fourteen days, he’d continued to bring her coffee in the morning, and they’d continued to eat lunch together during their break. Together, but apart.

For two weeks, he’d called her every night before she fell asleep, and they would make small talk about whatever case they were working on, or about who was leading the American League standings in baseball. Sometimes, she would tell him about what she’d eaten for dinner, and whether or not she would be making it again. A casual nightly exchange between friends. Only friends.

The truth is, she’d been the one to call him at first, having gotten used to hearing his sleepy voice in her ear almost every night before Diana had come around. She’d made it crystal clear, though, that he shouldn’t get used to her calling him before bed after that particular night. She just needed to hear his voice in order to fall asleep, just this once, and he was more than happy to oblige.

She’d kept her promise to him about never calling him after that, but only because he’d begun to call her at the same time every night following that one. After two weeks of this, she would’ve hoped that she’d be able to fall asleep on her own, but instead she’d realized that it only made her miss him more.

They both acknowledged the fact that the earning of her forgiveness, the restoration of her trust in him would not come easily by any means, but he’d been making it obvious that he was going to do everything he possibly could to ensure that it happened at one point or another. That he loved her and cared about her more than anyone he’d ever known, and would give her as much time and space as she needed before they began to move in that direction.

Sure, there were many things they would need to discuss in order to begin to heal the wounds to their relationship, but she’d be lying to herself if she claimed she didn’t miss him. No one had ever made her feel so complete, and she knew the same was true for him in regard to her.

You made me a whole person.  
She tried to avoid thinking about that night in the hallway of his apartment building, when she’d almost taken that job in Utah, but the memory of the hurt in his eyes when she delivered the news was indelible. Permanently etched into her brain. The very idea of being away from her threatened to break his fragile heart into billions of little pieces.

He really had been trying to work his way back into her good graces, and she appreciated that, although she knew it would take time to return to the way things had been before. With that being said, though, she worried about him endlessly every time she left him alone in that office. She’d seen what he was capable of when his mental state had deteriorated, the belligerence and recklessness of his behavior when he thought he was going to lose her to her cancer. The pain of losing her had always been too much for him to bear.

Tonight, he hadn’t called at his usual time, and she panicked. She was terrified that something had happened to him, her Mulder. The voice inside her head told her to just pick up the phone and call him, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. Instead, she convinced herself that there was, in all likelihood, a perfectly good explanation as to why she wouldn’t be hearing from him tonight. Perhaps he was with the Gunmen, or had stayed late at work to finish up one of their reports.

Perhaps-

She was startled from her seat on the couch by the sound of a fist rapping on the door to her apartment. It was rather late, and she certainly wasn’t expecting any visitors.

Grabbing her gun from her bag on the way to investigate, she approached the door slowly, looking through the peephole.

Mulder.

She unlocked the door, opening it slightly to see him standing there, a complete emotional wreck. He looked as though he’d been crying for hours, his eyes puffy and bloodshot, tear stains painting the soft skin of his cheeks. He hadn’t bothered to change out of his pajamas, and his hair was all over the place, she noted, as she did a double take of his appearance.

“Mulder?”

“Tell me to leave and I will.” His voice trembled as he spoke and she wasn’t sure exactly what to say, but she knew she wouldn’t be sending him back home alone in this condition. How he’d even gotten here on his own was a mystery to her.

“Mulder.. What happened to you?” She asked, her voice full of concern as she reached up to check him for a fever, pressing the back of her hand to his forehead. “You’re burning up, damn it.” She murmured, pushing the door the rest of the way open as an invitation to come inside. Clearly, he didn’t get the message, because he just stood there, looking at her with fear in his eyes.

“Mulder, baby.. come inside. You need to lay down.”

She watched his Adam's apple bob in his throat as he shook his head.

“Scully.. I have to talk to you..” he ran a shaky hand through his hair and she sighed, dragging him inside by his other hand and closing the door behind them before locking it.

“Well we can talk inside, then. Come on.” She started to let go of his hand, but he tightened his grip. “Mulder?”

“I have to tell you now, Scully..”

She frowned at the way his voice wavered and looked down at their joined hands, rubbing her thumb gently over his knuckles.

“Tell me then, Mulder..” She pleads and he shakes his head in refusal, his eyes boring into hers. “Mulder, you’re scaring the hell out of me.” She murmurs, using her other hand to stroke his cheek.

“I just want to look at you.” He says softly, his voice beginning to break. “Because once I tell you.. You’re never going to forgive me.”

She feels hot tears beginning to prick at the corners of her eyes as her hand falls from his face.

“I haven’t been honest with you, about something..” He starts. “There’s something I’ve been keeping from you and it’s tearing me apart, Scully. I thought it’d be better not to tell you, because I didn’t want you to be pissed at me.. But now..” He shakes his head in frustration with himself, his own mistakes, rubbing his forearm across his eyes to hide his tears. “I fucked up, Scully..”

Carefully, she lowers his arm so that she can look into his eyes, searching for the source of his agony within them. She says a silent prayer that he is exaggerating the severity of his misdeed, not prepared to return to square one all over again. Not after they’d made so much progress in fixing what had been broken.

“Just tell me, please..” She begs, stepping closer to him in hopes that her proximity will provide him with the strength he needs to get whatever he has to say off of his chest.

“She kissed me, Scully..”

She feels her heart drop as the words roll off his tongue. She knows where he’s going with this, and she doesn’t know whether she wants to hear the rest.

“She kissed me, and I kissed her back.” She can hear the remorse in his voice, and she feels like the world is going to come crashing down at her feet any minute now. She is unable to help the tears that begin to flow so freely down her cheeks, and she is forced to choke back a sob as Mulder tilts her chin up slightly, tucking her hair behind her ear. He looks at her so apologetically that her heart can hardly take it.

Damn it, Mulder, how could you be so stupid?  
She sniffles, pressing her cheek into the warmth of his hand as it cups her face.

“Go on..” She insists, her voice barely a whimper. She watches as his expression morphs into one of confusion, as though he doesn’t understand her request.

“Scully?”

“Damn it Mulder.. Just say it.. Just fucking say it.. Don’t do this to me..”

His eyes dart back and forth between hers, his brow furrowing, and then his lips part slightly as he finally puts the pieces together, realizing what she is expecting him to say.

“Scully, I would never..” he says tenderly, assuringly.

Lips pursing, she gives him a wary look, unsure of the integrity of his words. She opens her mouth to speak, but no words come out.

He brushes his thumb gently back and forth over the apple of her cheek, giving her a moment to formulate whatever it is she’s going to say.

“You.. you just kissed her?” She whispers, and he wonders if it is a twinge of hope he hears in her voice.

“I’m sorry, Scully.. I’m so sorry.” He holds her face in both of his hands now.

“You didn’t.. You didn’t sleep with her?”

“Of course not..” he murmurs, silently reprimanding himself for hurting her so badly that it had led her to doubt his loyalty to her. “I did some really shitty things, Scully.. I know that, and I’m so sorry, but I’d never-”

His apology is cut short as she throws her arms around his neck, her tiny feet nearly lifting off from the ground as she hugs him tightly, pressing her forehead against his cheek. He lets out a deep sigh as his arms circle her small waist, squeezing protectively. He hates the way he’s hurt her with his words, his actions. Resents the fact that he could ever be the one to subject her to this sort of emotional torture.

She hardly moves as he holds her, rubbing her back up and down soothingly as she lets out all of her tears: tears of sorrow, confusion, and relief all pouring out at the same time, onto the skin of his face and neck, and down the cut of his t-shirt. Cautiously, he brings one hand up to her hair, weaving his fingers through it gently as he pulls her closer to him. Though, when it comes to her, he can never be close enough.

Eventually, she pulls back to look at him, her eyes rimmed red to match his own. Her lip quivers as he gazes at her so lovingly, before turning up into a little smile as a few more tears - the relieved kind - roll down her cheeks.

“Oh, Mulder..” she sighs, pushing his hair back, running her fingers through it. “You scared me so bad..” She pouts a little before burying her face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent.

“You mean, you’re not mad at me?”

He feels her smirk against his skin as her arms slip around his middle, fingers clutching at the dark grey fabric of his shirt.

“I’m mad at you, Mulder..” She says softly, giggling a little. “But not about this.” she reaches up to stroke the back of his hair, pressing her lips to his neck, planting a soft little kiss there.

“Did you just kiss me?”

She hums her response in the affirmative and he nuzzles her forehead with his nose.

“Scully?” He mumbles.

“Mhmm?”

“I came here so we could talk, do you think we could do that?” He asks hopefully.

“Mulder?” She murmurs.

“Hm?”

“Can we talk tomorrow, instead?”

He bites his lip slightly, not wanting to make any assumptions as to what she is implying.

“We can do that.”

She smiles, pressing another couple kisses to his neck, reveling in the warmth of him against her lips. Yes, she’d missed this.

“I guess I’ll get going then..” He says. “We could probably both use some sleep.”

She scoffs at this and he has to chuckle before wincing slightly as she digs her sharp nails into his skin.

“I sleep better when you’re with me.” She admits softly and a delicate smile plays at his lips.

This isn’t news to him, but it sure feels good to hear it from her. He doesn’t question her motives, because he doesn’t need to. Vulnerable Scully didn’t come around all that often, but on the occasions that she did, he was there for her without fail.

“I sleep better with you, too.” 

She smiles, giving him an affectionate squeeze before squealing girlishly as he scooped her up bridal-style in his arms, carrying her to her bedroom.

Watching him diligently as he lays her down on the bed, she notices that his face is no longer broken out into a cold sweat like it was when he’d arrived. Just to make sure, though, she reaches up to touch his skin and check for a temperature. As if reading her mind, Mulder takes her hand and presses his lips to it.

“I’m okay now.” He murmurs and she gives him a little smile. “You have that effect on me.”

“Get over here, Mulder.” Blushing, she pats the space next to her as he kicks off his shoes before climbing over her and crawling under the covers beside her.

She lays on her back and he, on his side facing her, his eyes roaming over her small form, the features of her face in a way that makes her want to curl up against his chest and hide from his admiration of her. Many men have ogled her before, ravished her with lustful eyes, but none of those could compare to the way Mulder looks at her. The love she sees in his eyes as they drink in the sight of her gives her butterflies in her stomach, and she is grateful to have him here tonight, looking at her like that again.

“You’re beautiful.” His voice is whisper soft, but his words speak volumes to her. She smiles lovingly at him, running her thumb across his plump lower lip. “I missed you.”

Tears threaten her again as he presses a kiss to her thumb, gazing tenderly at her.

“I missed you, too, Mulder.” She gives him a watery-eyed smile, scooting over to close some of the distance between them. “Even if i’m still mad at you.”

He gives her an apologetic smile, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to her forehead, amused at the way she purrs in response to the subtle contact.

“Scully?”

“Hmm?”

“I know you’re mad at me, which you have every right to be..” He mumbles against her hair and the faintest giggle escapes her.

“What is it, Mulder?”

“I um.. Would it be alright if I just.. Can I hold you, Scully?”

She smiles happily, giving him a kiss on the cheek before rolling onto her other side so that he can spoon up against her.

“You tease me, woman..” He murmurs, pressing his lips to her temple as he pulls her closer to him.

“Hmmm?” She drawls, a satisfied sigh leaving her as his soft kisses lull her to sleep with remarkable speed.

“Scully?”

“Mulllerr..” She slurs his name as his kisses inch closer to where they both want them to be, no matter how mad she is at him.

“Please let me kiss you..” She teases him a moment more, lying still before turning her head slightly so that his lips can press gently against hers. He kisses her, long, slow, and sweet, leaving her breathless when he finally pulls away.

“I love you.” He murmurs, kissing her once more before resting his head contently over her shoulder, pressing his nose to her hair as she makes herself comfortable in his arms. “No matter how mad I make you.” He adds, making her smirk a little. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right. And I’ll always love you.”

“Always?”

“Always.” He says, kissing the back of her neck as his eyelids begin to droop.

The bedroom is quiet for a while, and he thinks she’s fallen asleep until he feels her reach for his hand.

“Mulder?”

“Mhm?”

“Just cause you make me mad..” She pauses, slipping her fingers between his and squeezing protectively. “That doesn’t mean I ever stopped loving you.”

It wasn’t until that moment when he realized just how badly he needed to hear those words.

He swallows hard, snuggling impossibly close to her, seeking her warmth as he struggles to understand what he’s done in this lifetime to deserve her forgiveness, her unconditional love in times like this.

“I’ll always love you, Mulder.”

He smiles softly, blinking tears from his eyes, realizing that rather than trying to find an explanation as to what’d he’d done to deem himself so worthy of love, it’d be a hell of a lot easier to just take her word for it.

“Always, Scully?”

She smiles, turning to kiss him gently on the lips, watching the little smile form as she pulls away.

“Always.”


End file.
